Learn to Say ‘No,’ so Your ‘Yes’ Has More Substance
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If it's hard for you to say 'No' to someone - whether your boss, colleagues, or friends - without feeling guilty afterward, it means you can't prioritize your needs over the needs of others.
You should say 'Yes' when the task is feasible, within your responsibilities, or when you really want to help someone. But, if you always say 'Yes' only because you are afraid your 'No' will cause conflict, it's highly likely you'll end up feeling stressed out, depressed and exhausted.
Why Is It Easier to Say Yes at Work?
Saying ‘No’ in the business world can be tough. It takes a lot of self-confidence and courage. There's many reasons you might be afraid to refuse new tasks, even when you already have a lot on your plate. You believe it will make you look like someone who's lazy or not a team player. Most people are scared of ruining their promotion opportunity or losing their jobs in the worst-case scenario.
Naturally, you want to fit, to feel like you belong, and to be appreciated. But, if you're always acting contrary to your instinct, and saying 'Yes' when every part of your body is screaming 'No,' you're only hurting yourself.
Keep in mind that being a people pleaser, always agreeable, and accepting work outside the scope of your daily job can negatively impact your life quality and health.
The True Meaning of ‘No’
From an early age, you've probably been taught it's rude to say 'No,' and that it's better to bite your tongue and nod in the affirmative to almost anything. You end up misinterpreting the true meaning of 'No' and confuse it with negativity.
However, while negativity is a chronic and cloudy outlook on the world, 'No' is a choice. 'No' means acknowledging your own truth, appreciating your own time, needs, and feelings. It's a subtle and indirect affirmation of your beliefs. It simply says you will love, value, and respect others, but you will not allow to be taken advantage of.
Besides, in the workplace, saying 'No' means better focus and increased productivity, leading to improved morale, integrity, and better work quality. Do this politely and considerately towards others, and they will appreciate you much more because people will start to recognize a sincere 'No' in a sea of ingenuine 'Yeses.'
Once you truly recognize your own boundaries and draw a line in the sand, you will set yourself free and open the world of new possibilities for yourself.
How to Say ‘No’ and Set Healthy Boundaries at Work?
To set healthy boundaries at work and say 'No' without feeling guilty, you can use the following strategies:
- Accept the fact you can’t do everything and please everyone: Being helpful and nice towards others is not a bad thing. But, it's impossible to please everybody at all times. It won't get others to like you more and help you avoid conflicts because there will always be that someone having a bad day. If you take on more work you can handle, you'll only run yourself into the ground, hurting yourself, your family, and the company you work for.
- Understand you’re not selfish if you say ‘No:’ If you get the work done and do your job to the best of your ability, it's your choice to say either 'Yes' or 'No.' If you refuse tasks you can't complete or you can't help your colleague because you're buried with obligations, it doesn't mean you're selfish. That's simply a reality, and time ticks away. If you constantly sacrifice your time and energy to please others, you hinder your own growth.
- Don’t apologize: It’s pivotal to resist the temptation to apologize. You can say ‘Sorry’ but don't overdo it. The person will think that there’s still a chance that you will change your mind and will try to take advantage of your weakness. Be firm. If you apologize a lot, it will look as if you’re doing something wrong.
- Be honest about your needs and reasons for saying ‘No:’ Instead of apologizing, communicate your thoughts and needs clearly and honestly. Saying only 'No,' 'I don't want to,' or 'I can't' is not enough, and it can come across as rude. In order to avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretations in communication, briefly explain your 'No.' This is not an excuse; this is a way to clearly communicate your position.
- Offer alternatives, if possible: You could say, for example, 'I can't drive you to the dentist right now, but I can lend you my car,' or 'I can't go to the party tonight, but we can see each other tomorrow after the exam.' This is a win-win situation. You can always offer alternative solutions if you really want to help but feel you don't have enough time at the moment.
- Use power words: To convey your stance in a firm and notable manner, present your ideas using 'power words.' These will help your thoughts to flow smoothly and leave a strong impression on the other person, which will, in the long run, prevent them from bothering you in the future. For example, in hypnosis, a hypnotist uses a calm voice and specific words to make his/her ideas hard to resist. These include simple words such as because, imagine, and, which means, but, when used properly, can have quite a powerful effect.
The bottom line is, once you set your boundaries, you’ll gain more respect because you’ll show that your time is valuable and that you're not to be taken for granted. At work and any other area of your life, this is the necessary step to develop healthier and more meaningful relationships.
The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘No’ to almost everything.
― Warren Buffett
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